Accompanying Shame in our everyday life is not an easy task. Shame lives within the edges of our experience. Most of the time is there somewhere in between me and something else that thinks and lives my experience from an idea of how I am.
The reality is that shame is a process, not a truth. It is part of a system, a mechanistic way of operating in our human living and sharing. It is the inner critical part that keeps us in check with what is expected from us. Building this perfected human that can only be perfect on the surface, if you scratch it a bit, like those scratch cards you will be able to see the fragile and shakiness of their nature, a true human being.
Do you feel imperfect and with many defects?
That is not you!! that is something in you that is trying to protect something vulnerable, rather raw and hidden. Probably something precious that was infected by the epidemic of shame.
And you would ask, how does this happen and when does it start to operate in our condition as humans?
I don ́t know when this started in you and how the mechanisms that kept it going… I just know how it was for me.
It started when as a very young child, I was running towards love and embracing life and I got a smack or an ignoring look in response. This is when starts when our natural impulses towards connection and reciprocity are blocked, or punished.
Then something in us does it, tells us, you are not good enough, or you are inadequate.
So shame keeps coming to protect that innocence of pure joy and love that is living within us. And of course with the consequences of an inner turmoil because the strategy of shaming ourselves to protect that inner raw young part of us does more damage to it on an ongoing basis.
The truth is that we are more than adequate!!
And the good news is that we have the inner skill to love ourselves just as we are.
Self Compassion and Empathy towards ourselves are great medicine.
And remember that the sky is the limit to our inner love, creativity, and joy.
On some nights you might want to remember this, and talk to that shame part, letting it know that now you are here: I can protect that young part of me and be by its side and with a world that is imperfect with me included in it.
Hello, Shame you are welcome here sit with me as we together let that vulnerable part of us live as it is, so it can continue its forward evolution with its rhythm. And with time to remember who they are.